big

Lately it's him wanting to do it all on his own. Playing ping pong he misses the ball and says "see!!" as he tries not to cry. Using scissors he's upset because he doesn't cut fast enough. Riding in the van he wants to be the one driving. When he left the playground on his scooter he pushed harder and went faster. "You're so good at this!! You're so good!" I yelled behind him, running to keep up.

dear James

I'm thinking about that time we went to montana and hiked up that mountain without any water. We got to the top and asked a stranger to take our photo only to realize later they cut off the top of our heads. 

I was two months pregnant with finnegan and we bought little moccasins at a shop on the street without knowing if they would be filled with little boy or little girl feet. Deep down I think we knew he was a boy. But what we didn't know was how he would turn into someone all of his own so quickly. He's such a little character now. Almost a little boy. He says things and the two of us stare at each other wondering where he came up with it. 

When we facetimed you yesterday when you were on your boat fishing in the morning, we got off the phone and finn said "I wish I was with dada. I wish I was fishing with him" and I smiled thinking how happy that will make you when I tell you later. 

You always have a plan. And I never have a plan. And I know that sometimes that makes us frustrated with each other. I come up with things I want to do spontaneously and last minute. I can't keep a calendar straight and I forget when we've made plans with friends. I write down reminders and then lose them only to find them stuck on a bill that is now overdue. You wake up at 6:30 on the weekends with a mental list of things you want to get done. Places you need to go, what you'd like to do for the day. What you need to do. I like to sleep in and wake up slowly. Putting cartoons on for Finn and hugging him for 30 sleepy minutes before we get out of bed. Sometimes your ambition irks me but I always appreciate it. I appreciate your work ethic for our family and home. I appreciate your willingness to get things done at the same time being a father to your son who wants to be with you. He wants to fish with you. He wants you. And you're there. 

And on the weekends, after you've gotten up and cleaned the gutters, went to Home Depot, talked to your brother and sister, all before 9am You come home and always make me a cup of coffee. And somehow you always make it taste better than when I make it. 

what finn says

Finn: this is my restaurant. want some coffee?

Me: yes! What's the name of your restaurant? 

Finn: bullseye 

" I want cereal. I just want cereal so bad"

On choosing dinner 

"You're amazing. I want to stay here forever. "

"This tastes fantastic"

Trying dry pancake batter 

"Guys! I'm late. I brought a beach ball"

Showing up for class 

"Oh. Hi sunshine."

Waking up from a nap 

"I want to see Stella and her cute face. But mama, it's not her birthday"

On baby cousins 

"You have licorice for me?? You're the best."

"I can't drink water. It makes me cough" 

"I got this boogie out of my nose. Aren't you happy!" 

"I'll make you da fire, mama. You lay by it" 

"This soap smells. It makes me sneeze. (Fake sneeze)

Going through the carwash 

Finn: "dada have you seen a tornado?"

Dad: "no I haven't"

Finn: "has mama seen a tornado?"

Dad: "no mama hasn't. Tornadoes don't come around where we live"

Finn: "oh. That's good to know"

"Dada. Gimme a pizza kiss"

Out to dinner 

benny

when we were camping one time early this summer i youtubed the sandlot when we were sitting around the fire. i showed finn and james the scene where squints jumps off the dive into the deep end to kiss wendy peffercorn. we watched the scene over and over on my phone laughing.
that week i bought finn the movie. the three of us watched and laughed and finn ran around the living room pretending to be benny. "hey smalls! throw to second!" he yelled at me.
from then on if i wasn't mama, i was smalls.
at the grocery store he'd yell "hey smalls! grab the yogurt!" when he woke up in the morning and i'd go get him from his bed he'd say "morning smalls"
he has the best imagination.
for halloween he was benny.  and i was smalls. (and squints)
at the end of the night when we were back home going through the candy james asked finn if he liked halloween.
"i like it way much" finn replied.