he's doing it

finn has to do things by himself now. he's found a new independence and he's trying and testing his boundaries and limits and he's realizing he's taller now, he's stronger, he's smarter. i pick him up in the morning to walk down the steps and he starts kicking his feet, "no mama. i go down by myself." so i put him down and one by one we walk down those creaking wooden steps. carefully and slowly. he's holding my hand and the railing. he's smiling and laughing and saying "i'm walking mama! i'm not falling!" and when we reach the bottom he's says proudly, "i did it!" and he grabs his toy cars and starts to play. 

when we're running ten minutes late, and i'm rushing to grab the diaper bag, and the sunscreen, and his hat, and extra clothes, and snacks, and everything else you need to leave the house for a summer day and i put him in his seat and i'm hurrying with his straps he grabs my hands and stops me in the best way. he slows me down without realizing he's helping me. who cares if we're ten minutes late. my son is learning. "let me do by myself" he says and stares at his buckles with concentration and determination and he slides them into each other and hears a click. "I did it, mama!"

when we get to the park and we're ready to walk the trails and james has his backpack finn rides in and finn starts crying and says that he doesn't want in. he wants to walk. he has to walk. and then we look and he's walking down the trail without us. stopping to pick up every rock. and every stick. and taking them to the creek and throwing them in. "The stick floats, mama. The rock sinks, mama" and we're all sitting on the bank of the creek and the water is muddy from the storms and we notice a beaver built it's home under the roots of a fallen tree in the water. 

finn picks up rock after rock and throws them into the water. "That was your best throw yet" I say to him when he throws a stone that makes it clear into the middle of the creek. "no, no, this is gonna be my best" and he throws one that goes even further than the last. "I did it, mama! all by myself."