dear james

Dear James.

It's storming and Finn is napping in the back room. I carried him inside with his carseat and he has been snoozing away. You know how he wakes up though- all of a sudden and so loud. He has such willpower. He knows what he wants.

I'm thinking about the very first time you took me up to our favorite cabin in New York. It was winter and we had snowshoes and we walked the trails and ended up at that deserted cabin by the river and we went inside. I said it felt like it was haunted but you assured me that we were fine. You warmed up my hands and we ate the homemade chili that you brought in a thermos for us.

We walked back to our cabin and we listened to Neil Young and made dinner. I talked about New York and you looked me in the eyes and told me I was smart for leaving when I did. We had only known each other for a month and I felt like I had known you for a year.

We walked in those snowshoes all weekend. You bent down every time and put them on for me. You buckled every button and tightened them just right. Never complaining or acting annoyed. Every time you bent down to fix the buckles and make sure they were adjusted just so, I stared at the top of your head and felt myself fall a little bit more in love with you.

he is one

happy birthday, finnegan scott

And just like that, my baby boy is one.  He took his first steps the week before his birthday.

I keep thinking back to when I was in labor. I keep thinking about James holding my hand with both of his. I keep thinking about that little window in the hospital that I kept looking out of when I could feel the next contraction coming. I keep thinking about my brothers and parents waiting in that little room, my dad with his head in his hands and pacing back and forth- he was so nervous. I keep thinking about the first moment I saw Finn. All slippery and smooth, his eyes wide open. I held him to my chest and examined every part of him. I knew him. I loved him. Moments after, when Finn was nursing, I looked out that little window and a butterfly was tapping on the glass.

Happy first birthday you magical little boy. You have made me a better person. You have made our family happier. You make your dad and me laugh every single day. You are so loved. We are so lucky.

Finn's first trip to the lake

Fourth of July weekend we packed up or little van and took our baby to Gigi's lake house for a couple days.

We watched fireworks, felt sand on our feet, splashed in the little waves of Lake Erie and ate funnel cakes and ice cream.

Here is a little film of our time at the lake.