Thursday, August 22, 2013

it's getting darker earlier

"while you were sleeping
the babies grew
the stars shined and the shadows moved
time flew "

I have always thought about time. I have always realized that it goes too quickly. That I can't hold on to it. That I can't make sense of it. I remember going to Captiva Island with my family as a little girl for vacation and before we arrived I was already worried about leaving. Because I know what happens. I know how quickly the days go by.

I thought this summer would go quickly but I wasn't aware of just how fast it would go. 

Lake Erie. Kayaking early morning with James. Swimming in Aunt Sis's pool for the first time with Finnegan. Him floating in that little raft with the canopy over his head, laughing at me dancing in the water.

Trip to Fairport for the fourth of July fireworks. Finn's first dip in Lake Erie. The waves crashing on his little feet and the floppy hat blowing off in the wind. He wasn't sure about the sand but never whined and complained. Just walked a little slower holding our hands. The fireworks that night, I was sure they would wake him up but he slept soundly above the noisy streets in grandma gable's little yellow room. When he woke up in the morning I opened the blinds and he stood up looking at that big lake outside her windows. 

Camping trip to the Allegheny River. We packed up with pop-up and brought our bikes and boat to the river to spend the weekend. We slept together in that little pop-up while it stormed all night and the rain sounded like little metal pellets on a tin roof. We took Finn for his first boat ride in the fishing boat and we caught his very first smallmouth together. We had bonfires and s'mores and went on bike rides. And Finn's very favorite part- throwing rock after rock into the river's clear spring water. 

All of our bike rides. In Mill Creek, on the Greenway trail, in our neighborhood after dinner where we would pedal to Dairy Queen (I got sprinkled twist, James got butterscotch dip, and Finn got a plain cone. And he was happy!). 

Our early morning walks just Finn and me. We would walk our route around the neighborhood. Sometimes stopping at Wittenauers for a coffee but always stopping at our playground. There are no baby swings so he sits on my lap and we swing together. Then we run to that big slide and go down together. Then we run across the bridge together. Then we kick the ball in the big field together. I show him the way the leaves move when the wind blows. I show him the moon that is sometimes still out above us. 

The first birthday celebration of Finnegan Scott Gable. July 21st. I thought back to a year earlier all throughout day. I thought back to when James and I went to the hospital that Friday morning. We had our bags packed like we were going on an overnight trip. We were both quiet and held each other's hand. So unaware of what would entail in the next 36 hours. 

A sweet party with our family and balls. Lots and lots of balls for the birthday boy. Your favorite toy. You started walking the week before your birthday. You took a few steps from me to your dad and then one morning you just woke up and you were off. You kept your hands in the air to help steady you and you laughed and smiled the entire time. My heart was bursting. 

Our summer vacation to Deep Creek where we spent one full week in a big lake house with my entire family. The first family vacation we have all attended since In 14 years. It was so special. 

Oh summer, I am so mad at you. I'm so disappointed that I have foolishly let you go by so quickly. But at the same time I am so thankful and happy and overwhelmed with love for you. You have given me such perfect memories. You have made my little family so happy. We have introduced our magical little boy to so many "firsts" in your sunshine and warmth. 

I will never forget you. 

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