Tuesday, July 22, 2014

to my two year old..

we didn't get finn anything for his birthday. we didn't get him any new toys. our sweet family got him most everything he could want as a two year old. new cars, and books, and puzzles, and lots, and lots of bubbles.

instead we spent the day playing. he drove his new car naked, holding a balloon, eating licorice. we took him to a petting zoo with a wagon safari ride and then later, after dinner we rode our bikes to get an ice cream cone. and he was happy. really, really happy with his day i think.

i didn't get him a card either. so i'd like to write him a card on here. a virtual card on this crazy land of the internet where one day, if he feels like it, he might read.

dear finn.

happy second birthday, sweet boy. i'm not sure where these past two years have gone but i will tell you that they have been the best of my life. just last week i cleaned your closet and found the onesie that you came home from the hospital in. i keep it hanging in your closet at the front of your clothes because i like to imagine the incredibly tiny you inside that navy and ivory stripe shirt. how did you grow so quickly? i always thought you would get a couple wears out of that outfit. your infancy past as quickly as that summer did. one month after the other and now we're all the way at 24 of them.

finn, i can not predict or perfect the type of mother i want to be. but i want to promise you right now that i will spend my life attempting it. and i know that i will fail. and i know that there will be trying times, and there will be days we'll face challenges together and even days when you might not want to talk to me at all. but deep down i think you'll know that everything is for you. and, maybe one day, when you have a son or daughter of your own, you'll understand that even better.

because being a parent is a commitment that alters your place in the world. it shifts the choices you make and the decisions that you're faced with. your actions now hold greater repercussions and your words are ones that will be passed on forever. you change in a way you never thought possible. and you have done that to me in the best way. you have made me a better person. being your mom is tremendously sweet, and funny and exactly what i want to be.

now i look at you running and laughing and talking. i've watched you change from a baby to a toddler and now almost a little boy. watching you grow has been my deep, rooted joy and at the same time, my most bittersweet adventure.

because part of me wants to keep you small forever.

i love you.

your mama

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